Artificial Stupidity
by BreadThief98
Summary: Not all upgrades are productive. The crew learns this first hand when they install a voice recognition system on the ship.


_**Hey guys! Welcome to my very first fanfiction! You may have seen me review before as AnimeAngel, but after two years, I finally decided it was time for a change. Got an account, and that brings us to today! Please bear with me as I learn to use this site, and in the meantime, sit back, relax, and enjoy!**_

* * *

It was a good idea at the time.

When asked, the crew of the _Ghost_ just left it at that. It all started when Hera decided it was time for an upgrade. That, and she thought Chopper could use the extra help. Quarrie suggested a voice recognition system, and of course, everyone loved the idea. Within hours, voice recognition was implemented into everyone's comlinks and into the Ghost...

* * *

The crew had just finished a successful, yet rough mission. They were currently in orbit around a moon in order to rest for the day before headed back to Safe Haven for their next mission.

At 0700 hours, Kanan woke up to his alarm blaring. With a grunt, he shut it off and sat up, stretching. He reached for a hairband and tied his hair in its usual ponytail before standing.

Time to get Ezra up so they could start Jedi training.

Kanan smiled at the idea of testing the new upgrades. He hit the voice recognition button on his comlink. "Set off Ezra's alarm," he stated.

 _"Setting off Chopper's alarm."_

A few seconds later, Chopper's annoyed warbles filtered through his comlink.

"Sorry Chop," he muttered, before trying again. "Set off Ezra's alarm."

 _"Good morning to you too."_

"No. Set. Off. Ezra's. Alarm."

 _"Setting off master alarm."_

"No! Don't-"

The alarm blared and with a frustrated growl, Kanan stormed into the hallway and into the cockpit, where his worried crew was waiting.

"There's nothing out here..." Hera mumbled, obviously annoyed.

"My fault," Kanan sighed. "Tried using the new voice thing to wake up Ezra for training."

Hera glared at him. "Really?"

"It wasn't my fault! The voice recognition thought-"

Hera held up her hand. "You could have just gone in there."

"I wanted to test it."

"Well," Zeb mumbled. "I think we can all agree it doesn't like you."

"Let's not jump to conclusions," Kanan retorted. "Everyone go back to bed."

Ezra piped up. "What about-"

"We'll do it later..."

* * *

Zeb smiled as he stared at the space waffles in the kitchen. His gaze turned to his comlink. "Let's see if it likes me.

Zeb activated the voice system. "Microwave five space waffles."

 _"Burning five space waffles,"_ the system replied.

"No!" Zeb cried, his voice laced with panic. "Cook five space waffles! Don't burn them!"

 _"Okay. Updating command Bed."_

Zeb sighed in relief, although his face contorted upon realizing what the system had called him. "My name is not Bed! It's Zeb!"

 _"Nice to meet you Deb."_

"Karabast! It's Zeb! Z-E-B! Zeb!"

 _"Okay Z-E-B Zeb."_

"ARGHHH!"

* * *

Sabine narrowed her eyes as she squinted at the painting she was making on her wall. "Why are the lights so dark?"

She pulled out her comlink and shrugged. "Brighten the lights."

 _"Darkening the lights."_ The lights turned off.

"No, brighten the lights."

 _"I'm not sure fighting the lights is possible."_

"Brighten the- You know what, never mind." Sabine rolled her eyes.

 _"I am afraid I cannot brighten the you know what never mind. Would you like the brighten the lights?"_

"Ugh!" Sabine growled. "Yes! I want to brighten the lights!"

 _"Calling Kanan."_

"No! Stop!"

* * *

Kanan raised an eyebrow upon hearing his comlink going off. He shrugged and picked it up, only to hear Sabine's frustration.

 _"Shut up you faulty piece of machinery! You've done enough!"_

"Uh... Sabine?" Kanan said, confused. "Was there something you needed?"

 _"Sorry, not you! Ugh... The voice system hates me!"_

"You and me both. Actually, I think it hates everyone."

 _"I think it does too."_

The connection cut and Kanan sighed. "This voice system crap is really starting to annoy me..." he mumbled.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Chopper was feeling lazier than usual. The droid decided that rather than manually run the diagnostics, he would make the Ghost run them for him via the new voice system.

"Wah wah wah wah," Chopper warbled.

 _"I didn't quite catch that."_

"Wah! Wah Wah! Wah!"

 _"I didn't quite catch that."_

"Wah! Wah! Wah! WAAAAH!"

 _"I didn't quite catch that."_

"WAAAAAAHHHH!"

* * *

Ezra and Kanan were sitting in the common room trying to mediate. Ezra was shivering slightly due to the cold temperature of the room. "Kanan?"

Kanan opened his eyes. "Yes?"

"Can we turn on the heater? It's freezing."

"Whatever makes you meditate faster I suppose."

Ezra turned on his comlink. "Turn up the heat."

 _"You want to drop some beats?"_ the system replied. _"Playing music."_

Loud music began blaring in the room.

"Not again..." Kanan muttered.

 _"You want to play this song again?"_

"No," Ezra yelled over the music. "I don't! Turn it off!"

 _"Turn it up? Okay."_ The music began to blare at an unbearable level.

"Not what he wanted!" Kanan shouted, covering his ears.

 _"I can't find that song in Z-E-B Zeb's music library."_

"Z-E-B Zeb?" Ezra wondered out loud. "Of course Zeb would listen to this junk..."

"Turn it off!" Kanan yelled.

 _"I cannot turn it up anymore."_

"Then at least turn it down!"

"Is everything okay dear?" Hera's voice echoed in the hallway.

"Tell the voice system to shut up! It hates us!" Ezra yelled.

"Okay?" Hera turned her comlink on. "Turn off the music."

 _"Transmitting music to all intercoms."_

Soon, the voice system's tunes were blasting through the entire ship.

"Not what I wanted!" Hera growled.

 _"You're very welcome."_

"Why is there music playing?" Sabine called, poking her head out.

"That wasn't supposed to happen!" Kanan yelled, trying to be heard over the offending broadcast.

"I'm trying love!"

"Please turn it off..." Ezra groaned, covering his ears.

"This piece of artificial stupidity won't let me!" Hera replied.

"I'm ripping that voice recognition system out of the wall!" Zeb yelled from his cabin. "This is too much! I like my music but not while it's melting my blasted eardrums!"

"Rip it out!" Ezra replied. "Please rip it out!"

"Whose idea was this anyway?" Kanan asked.

"It was Quarrie's," Hera grumbled. She turned and left to shut off the music manually, finally having enough of the voice system.

Then again, who wouldn't be.

A few minutes later, the music was off. Hera emerged from the cockpit, a happy look on her face. "Well, we don't have to worry about the voice system anymore."

"Did you rip it out of the wall?" Ezra asked.

"If you didn't," Zeb added, "can I do the honors?"

Hera chuckled and shook her head. "Chopper fried it."

It took a moment for it to click. Then laughter erupted.

"Wow..." Zeb muttered. "That has to be the first time that rust bucket's done anything useful in- OUCH!" Zeb was cut off by the taser of the droid in question.

"Needless to say," Hera sighed, "I'll be having a talk with our friend Quarrie."

"Can we just pretend this never happened? After the Quarrie chat of course?" Ezra asked.

The others hummed in agreement.

* * *

 ** _Before you ask, yes, I did combine Hera and Ezra's experience with the voice system. I really hope you enjoyed my first fanfic. Constructive criticism, compliments and nice comments are welcomed in the review section!_**

 ** _Until Next Time!_**


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